Hustling—Toxic but Necessary

I’m so tired of hustling. I don’t mind working hard; I’ve done that my entire life. But the American society in which I currently reside has devolved to the point that my day job doing communications for a local cathedral is not capable of sustaining me in any way I can tolerate. My kids are adults now, but I remember how my family struggled financially when they were small. Since then, I’ve gotten a taste of what it’s like to be semi-comfortable. Don’t get me wrong, my late husband and I were not wealthy by ANY stretch of the imagination. But we could take an occasional trip, and I could afford to buy art supplies for my newfound obsession with hot glue and glitter. And, now that he is gone, I absolutely refuse to go back to living in such a way that causes me immense stress over whether or not I will be able to pay all my bills.

I love what I do for my day job, and I love the people I work with, but I have attempted to find a better-paying day job. That search has been unsuccessful, and I am not optimistic that it will change any time soon.

So…that means the hustling continues. I am constantly trying to come up with new ways to increase my income. I’ve added author services (copy editing, proofreading, book formatting, and web design) to my repertoire, and although it’s slow to start, I think that could eventually supplement my income nicely. And, of course, I am hawking my books to anyone who will listen, hoping they will eventually take off and make a little money.

I’m not saying all of this as a means to garner sympathy and I know I am not alone in this predicament. It has become more prevalent for many people to struggle financially lately, which sucks. I’m saying it to point out that many of us are stuck in a toxic hustling mentality. There is always this little (or big) kernel of fear that if I sit still too long or if I’m not figuring out the next social media post or author event or whatever else my brain decides is imperative, that I’m not going to make it. The sky is going to fall. A utility will get shut off. Insert your favorite impending disaster here.

Then recently, I read a post on Facebook that was urging people to break out of that toxic hustling mentality. I immediately responded with “Wait a minute, some of us have to hustle to survive,” feeling attacked for some reason. And the author responded with “Yes, we all have to hustle, but we need to stop furthering that mentality because it’s toxic and it’s hurting us.”

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. It is incredibly difficult to be smack in the middle of trying to scratch together some sort of sustainable income, without letting that sense of desperation rule every waking thought. But focusing on that desperation only attracts more desperation, I think.

So…the only thing I can think to do is focus on my gratitude. The last couple of years have been truly awful for me in many ways. And yet, I realized my dream of becoming a published author…twice. I have my children and their partners, my mom, my sister, and my occasionally pain-in-the-ass but always-loving dogs. And a plethora of supportive aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. In short, I have a huge family, some by blood, some by choice. And if you’ve read my books, you know what is coming next.

Family is life.